Why Just Survive? www.whyjustsurvive.com

Reflections

2008-01-22T13:31:00.000-08:00

I heard Carol Barnier speak on Saturday, and enjoyed very much her perspective on motherhood and children. One of the most insightful things she pointed out was that as parents we have to protect our child's position as the child, even from ourselves at times. We cheat them of their childhood if we hand over the control to them, and make no mistake, they usually know when they have control long before the parent does.

When a child is allowed to control the household by their tantrums or set the mood in the family, we are robbing them of the security that cause children to grow and thrive. It is too much responsibility for a child to be allowed to set the mood, even if he is doing that by causing you, the parent, to become frustrated or angry. He will come to see himself as the cause of the anxiety and stress in the home, and his perception of his own beautiful soul will be soured. At all costs, she reminded us, we need to maintain our composure and live with joy around our children, so that they can be secure, knowing that they are not in charge. How can a child enjoy childhood when he is allowed (expected?) to make the decisions about even the smallest things, when he hasn't the capacity to do so? Let us not set them up for failure and insecurity by failing to simply control their behavior (until they are old enough to exercise control over themselves). Let us not doom them to low self-esteem by failing to control our own emotions, for our faces are the places they run to in order to see a reflection of their own souls. Show them how precious their souls are by letting them only see joy on your face!

The New Year

2008-01-01T18:48:00.000-08:00

Ah, that time of year when we look at the new calendar and imagine the fresh start.

Or do we?

More and more I hear of people who don't even try, don't even form a resolution. Sometimes it's because they feel they fail all too quickly in the new year, and they consider resolution-making a farce. Sometimes it's because they (rightly) realize that January not a start at all, but just another month in a never-ending cycle. I, myself, am making resolutions to change all year long; daily, in fact. So what's the big deal about January?

Well, there is no big deal about January, except that it's a time set aside, designated to create goals, set expectations, and form intentions. If not January, then when? When will we make the time to identify our ambitions, visualize our best selves, and take that first step in reaching our great destinations on this, our life journey? So many, many people simply never get around to it at all. Others do, but just not often enough to keep their momentum going. Even for those of us who are checking in with ourselves (or our coaches) often, sometimes yearly isn't even often enough for some goals.

But it is a place to start, isn't it? Think of it this way ... if youchanged even one small thing in your life every year, can you see how different your life could be in 5 years? In ten? It's kind of like saving your pennies in a jar ... at some point they will cash in for a large amount that you didn't even realize you had. If we could just get a half hour more of sleep at night, watch 1/2 hour less of television every day, or do without Starbucks twice a week we could actively invest those new resources (our energy, time, and money) into great things. Maybe your goals are different, but principle is still the same. Contribute to someone else's life a bit every day or week, and see if you haven't done something you're proud of by the end of 2008.

Where to start? Start small, of course. As James Taylor says, "Cut up your crosses into doable doses." Set smaller goals for yourself to accomplish at set times (put it on your calendar right now!). Once you've got a habit established, then you can expand, improve, or simply step back and look at the new habit you've acquired, and give yourself a pat on the back. Just don't be complacent with an okay life, okay existence, and an okay contribution to the world around you. Dare to dream as big as you want, and then go about breaking it down into a plan of action.

Christmas can be about receiving too.

2007-12-21T04:34:00.000-08:00

I propose that it can be easier at times to give than receive. Perhaps that is the real reason that the commercialization of Christmas has gotten out of hand. We "learn our lessons" from previous years, and ensure that this year there won't be so much as a cookie crumb that comes our way without something in our hands to give in exchange. Every year, there are more and more gifts to be bought to cover ourselves.

This year, try it out. If there is someone for whom you are not particularly inclined to shop, try just letting it be. Perhaps you'll guess right, and they won't get you anything either. Or perhaps you'll have a chance to practice receiving without giving. It can be hard, but it is a great opportunity to start forming a habit of gratitude, joy, humility. Whether we want to admit it or not, we can all use an extra dose of that ... Just be sure to look the giver in the eyes and express yourself sincerely.

They won't feel left out a bit.

All she wants for Chrismas ...

2007-12-19T11:22:00.000-08:00

Just happened!

Noelle's Song

Ordinary Time

2007-10-10T10:54:00.000-07:00

A good friend sent this to me and I just have to share it with you. It brought tears to my eyes, and was a good reminder. I hope you'll watch it through to the end, because I didn't really get the FULL message until about 3/4th of the way through it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bS_F2_ucYKw

The Invisible Woman

2007-09-07T11:20:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine posted this on her blog. I am blown away by the wisdom it imparts.

For those of you who do not know, a Cathedral is a very large, important church. It's not just a church ... it's usually a grand, beautiful structure.

The Invisible Woman

It started to happen gradually. One day I was walking my son Jake to school. I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street when the crossing guard said to him, "Who is that with you, young fella?" "Nobody," he shrugged. Nobody? The crossing guard and I laughed. My son is only 5, but as we crossed the street I thought, "Oh my goodness, nobody?" I would walk into a room and no one would notice. I would say something to my family - like "Turn the TV down, please" - and nothing would happen. Nobody would get up, or even make a move for the remote. I would stand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little louder, "Would someone turn the TV down?" Nothing. Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party. We'd been there for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he was talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there was a break in the conversation, I whispered, "I'm ready to go when you are." He just kept right on talking. I'm invisible. It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please." I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going¸ she's going¸ she's gone! One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the ot hers all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress;it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this." It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees." In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything. A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees." I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become." At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree. When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there." As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women

We Have A Winner!

2007-07-31T20:04:00.000-07:00

We have a winner in the Parent Life Coaching Contest!

Out of respect for her privacy, or until I have her permission to announce it, I will be keeping her name under wraps. Hopefully, she will be willing to at least tell Vicky and Jen at vickyandjen.com how she liked the experience of Parent Life Coaching. You'll have to keep checking their website to find out! :-)

Thanks to all of you who entered the contest and helped make it so much fun.

If you didn't win, but are still interested in experiencing it for yourself, please remember that I love to give free sample sessions. It's a great way to find out for yourself how coaching can enhance your life. Just send me an email or give me a call, and I'll gladly set up a time with you. No pressure, I promise.

Controlling the Weather

2007-07-27T07:13:00.000-07:00

I get a daily email with a quote for inspiration from http://www.insightoftheday.com/ On Fridays, they send me a story. Today's story embodies the most basic and yet all-encompassing theory for successful parenting, in my opinion. This is what it comes down to folks, on a daily basis. We will not always be perfect, and it's okay. Kids are very forgiving and (we all know this) forgetful. So if you mess up, start over. But in the end, if this is what we live by day in and day out, you will raise happy, balanced, wonderful people.

Enjoy. And feel free to go to the link above and sign up for yourself, if you'd like.

Controlling the Weather

While teachers can have a lifelong effect on the way students think, psychologist Haim Ginott has focused on a more immediate aspect of impact: the creation of a positive or negative physical and emotional environment that can determine the quality of a child's life.
"I've come to a frightening conclusion," he said. "I am the decisive element in the classroom. My personal approach creates the climate. My daily mood makes the weather. As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. It is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated, and a child humanized or dehumanized."
Yet as profound as this observation is for professional educators, it's even more so for parents. A parent's power to create the daily climate and lasting environment in which a child grows is so awesome it must be used consciously and responsibly.
Since our daily moods make the weather, we should try to shield our children from the thunder and lightning of our frustrations and anger. Instead of the dark clouds of cynicism, fear and depression, we should discipline our own emotions and give them the light and warmth of love, hope and good cheer. Conscious efforts to be positive, enthusiastic, and supportive can have a huge impact not only on the emotional well-being of our children, but on their ability to experience the joys and pains of childhood in healthy and constructive ways.

Michael Josephson
www.charactercounts.org

Supermom R.I.P.

2007-07-24T15:38:00.000-07:00

I thought you'd all appreicate this from yummymummysite.com...

Supermom, better known as the perfect wife, perfect mother and perfect friend, succumbed to unrealistic pressures and disappeared unexpectedly today. Supermom maintained the perfect home, was the perfect cook, and found time to tend the perfect garden. Perfectly sexy and perfectly in shape, Supermom also enjoyed the perfect career. Although her friends marveled at her perfect life, they often wondered how she did it all.

With Supermom gone, here's hoping things get a little easier for moms everywhere.

FREE PARENT LIFE COACHING!

2007-06-27T13:32:00.000-07:00

Are you curious about Coaching, but remain skeptical about its benefits? Why don' t you enter this contest, and see if you'll become the lucky winner. What will you win? Two free months of Parent Life Coaching ... FREE. No strings, no catch.

Spend just 45 minutes a week telling your coach your goals and aspirations, brainstorm about solutions to your parenting frustrations, or get some hands-on help as you work to reorganize your schedule. It's your time to invest in yourself, doing the most important work in the world.

Check this page out to find out all the details about coaching. Come on ... you know you're curious. :-)

Newest Additions

2007-06-15T13:06:00.000-07:00

This was conversation tonight at dinner.

Julia: How old is yours?
Hope: Mine's a teenager now. He weighs 95 lbs.
Noelle: Wow. Mine's been alive for 4 days now, and it hasn't died.

Matt and I couldn't resist getting the details.

Matt: So did yours ever go to the doctor, Noelle?
Noelle: Well, I don't know if it ever went or not, it's just better.
Matt: What do you have to do to make it better?
Noelle: Well, take it to the doctor, I guess. But sometimes it doesn't want to go.
Matt: Then what do you do?
Noelle: You have to discipline it.

I was so proud. My children were learning some seriously good lessons, here.

Julia: But sometimes no matter how hard you try it still refuses. Then you have to keep trying. If you see the skull and crossbones, that means it's really sick.

... And then Elena pipes up.

Elena: If it doesn't want to go to the doctor, and if disciplining it doesn't work, sometimes you can get it to go by giving it a treat.
Me:What?! You're learning bad parenting!! NEVER, EVER, when you're older, reward your child for refusing to obey.
Elena (sheepishly): I know, but sometimes if you discipline it, and put it in time out, it won't play with you anymore, even if you praise it. So you have to give it a treat to make it do what you want.
Me: Oh gosh.
Matt: So do you feed it?
Noelle: Yes, should I feed it a scone, sushi, pizza, cereal ...
Me: A scone?
Matt: Can you feed it too much?
Julia: Yes, but then it will get sick. Plus it will... giggle ...giggle
Me: What?
Julia: If you feed it too much it poops a LOT. Elena's poops all the time.
Hope: One morning Elena got up and she had to clean up 8 piles of it!

Anybody curious? Have you guessed?

My girls have tamagotchis. Have things changed since you were a kid or WHAT!

I guess it's all harmless ... but sometimes I wonder. Well, if nothing else, we had some very interesting dinner talk tonight. I'll bet the rest of you don't talk about poop at the dinner table with such glee. *eyes rolling*

Eddie

2007-05-10T12:28:00.001-07:00

There is a dear man outside doing yardwork for us. He is a gentle black man, with the style, mannerisms and ethic of the black people I remember from the south, growing up in Louisiana. They are the hardest working people around, and humble and proud all at the same time. He isn't too proud to do this kind of work for an hourly rate, and he isn't too humble to boss around a young white woman a little bit. Matt saw him working in the yard of one of our neighbors, and stopped by on his way out of the neighborhood to ask him if he would be interested in doing some work for us. He agreed to it, and he and Matt have spoken a few times. I met him for the first time today, and had not expected Matt to arrange for him come when he wasn't here, so I was a bit unprepared. I've always got a running handyman/yard work list going, but I get a little shy when it comes time to tell them what I want. I know it's probably good practice for me, but the truth of the matter is that I grew up being on the receiving end of the orders, and into adulthood as well, and I'm still not comfortable being the Mistress of the House. So as I was taking him around to the yard, talking about the beds, I made a comment or two about talking to Matt about what we wanted to do about this or that. I wasn't sure just how much money Matt was thinking about spending, and I assumed I'd be doing some of the work myself, as I normally do. He shook his finger at me and scolded me a little: "Nah, yaw runnin' the show. Come on!" He was telling me to take charge and make some decisions! So funny. Jonny is always a bit of a problem in situations like this because he's soooo friendly and soooo loves to watch and help. My other, more expensive and more annoying handyman (now ex-handyman, thanks to Eddie) would get irritable with him and often yelled before the dog bit him, so to speak. Once he actually yelled at Elena and Hope, who are both much older and very well behaved. Anyway, I usually spend my time reminding Jonny over and over again to go play elsewhere. This morning I started doing the same thing, until Eddie told me to leave him alone and to quit "taking away my help." Jonny is helping take the dirt clumps to the curb, sweeping, and kinda talking his head off. And I don't have to tell you how little help this boy actually is sometimes. :-) But Eddie seems to be as patient and longsuffering as ever, and he has won favor with the Mistress of the House because of it!

The Tooth

2007-05-02T07:11:00.000-07:00

This morning I lied to my daughter repeatedly. Actually, I first started lying to her 2 days ago …
The first time she complained of tooth pain, I told her she probably bit down on something. The second time, after I looked in her mouth, I told her that her molar that was going to be coming in soon likely was pushing on her teeth and causing the pain. Then when she woke up with an abscess on the side of her gums, I told her that we had to go to the dentist but that she would likely just get some antibiotics and NO SHOT. (I really thought they wouldn't do anything until the infection was cleared up.)
We weren’t there five minutes before my lies started to unravel. First he cleaned out the abscess and took x-rays in an effort to determine the source of the problem. This already alarmed her and caused her some pain. Then he came out in the hall and delivered the news to me: he had to pull it. I told him to hide the needle so that she at least she didn’t know the big, hairy, scary reason for the pain. the psychological pain is the worst part. I know this because two of my sisters are needle phobes.
Noelle can be a bit dramatic about her injuries, and for all her choleric toughness, quite a wimp when it comes to pain. Her father and I are the same way – we each have our tough spots but we are both serious wimps in certain areas. Matt would gladly let some nurse excavate his veins for hours, and often gets fillings without Novocain. But if one of our kids is coughing, he is a as tender as an open wound and cannot sleep or even keep a rational thought for fear of them suffering. His history with sickness and asthma explains that. Me? I can give birth naturally seven times and yet I have this irrational fear that when I have dental work done the Novocain will wear off and I’ll feel the most terrible pain of my life. My other area of weakness involves medical procedures being done to my children. Even if I know it has to be done for their own good, I usually fight an irrational fear to tell them they can’t touch my kid.
You see where I’m going with this?
So I came to terms with the fact that he had to do this to Noelle, but since her rambling fear all morning was all about shots and pain, I figured it would be best if she was kept in the dark about the forthcoming proceedings. Generally, I believe in complete honesty with my children, but frankly I was afraid her fear would make her fight and thrash about, only causing more problems. She didn’t even know she had had two shots until I told her on the way home. In the end, I think I decided the right thing, and she tells me that I did. But I just can’t get out of my head her screaming from the other room when he did the deed:
HE TOOK MY TOOTH! HE TOOK MY TOOTH! HE TOOK MY TOOTH!
It reminded me all those horrible scenes you’ve seen in war movies where some poor soldier has to have a leg amputated with only some whisky as sedative. She kept insisting it hurt, and I nearly went for the dentist’s throat. But he assured me that she most likely only felt the pressure and was scared. After 2 hours of questioning her about it, I think he’s actually right. But I was seriously considering tying him down and letting him see what it felt like.
I was outside the room when it happened because Owen wouldn’t let go of me and her intermittent crying was freaking him out. I couldn’t be in two places at once, and I decided to step out for a few minutes to see if I could get Owen interested in the movie that was playing in the waiting room. I didn’t realize he was so close to doing it. Besides, I was probably in serious danger of passing out. I almost did once when they pulled Elena's baby tooth that wouldn't come out.
In all the chaos that ensued, I was somehow able to calm her fears, which really were the biggest factor in all the crying and hubbub. She worried that her mouth wouldn’t heal, that the bump would never go away, that she would never have a tooth there again (it was a baby tooth). Once she learned that all her worst fears were not going to come true, and that it was over, she calmed down significantly. We were both shaking when I hugged her.
What I hate about these kinds of situations is that there’s no winning. I still think that not telling her was less traumatic, and yet I feel bad that a little bit of trust might have been broken. When I asked her after if she wished that I had told her first, she told me no. Shouldn’t that make me feel better? It doesn’t. The whole thing was just so unpleasant. Why does doing the right thing have to feel so bad sometimes???
And it got me thinking just how much we place in the hands of another human being. What if this dentist (who just recently took over the practice) was the irresponsible 16 year-old who would not take out the trash as a child. Or the 21 year-old who drank and drove home from a party. What if he just BARELY made it through college?
Actually, I think he’s a good dentist. His coworkers speak very highly of him, and I’ve been very impressed before today with his style and manner. The first time he had to do something unpleasant to one of my kids, he called later in the evening to make sure she was OK. He’s seems to be a caring father too. So I’m sure he’s fine, it’s just the Mama Bear in me talking.

2007-04-25T06:11:00.000-07:00

This morning Mia is a horse, as she is most days and nights. She even pretends in her sleep; I'm not kidding. The other day she reared up in her sleep as I was changing her into warmer jammies. She always feels the need to tie her imagination to reality, so if she's wearing a pick shirt then her name is Pink Beauty. If she is wearing seven different colors, then her name will get very long and complicated and I usually end up steering her (pardon the pun) to a simple, all-inclusive name. This, incidentally, is almost always a confection: Crean Filled, Brownie, Icing.
This morning, as I was putting her hair into pigtails, she said: "Mom, I could be a horse with pigtails, right?"
Me: Well, you could pretend you have a little girl Owner who likes to put your mane into pigtails. That's what I would do if I had a horse.
Mia: Do you WANT a real horse, Mom.
Me: I would love one.
Mia: Could I be your real horse, Mom?
If I believed in reincarnation, you know where I'd be going with this one. Julia was a dog for the first 8 years of her life and she turned out OK. If only they were as easy to raise as animals. No crying, no fighting, no hormonal changes ...

Conner

2007-04-04T05:53:00.001-07:00

There is a dear little boy on Jonny's bus who has truly made my life happier. He is the friendliest, most cheerful little pudgeball you've ever seen in your life, and it is his warm affability toward Jonny that has made all the difference in Jonny's departure every morning. Jonny used to cry as he left me every single day. Conner is literally always smiling, except for the day that he was pretending he was asleep so that he could "scare" us. Jonny gets on the bus happy now, day after day, because he knows he's going to see his friend Conner. They sit across the aisle from each other.
Today there were two subs on the bus -- the driver and the aid. Conner, clearly no dummy, kept insisting to the "helper" that Jonny sits right next to him on the bus. You could see how excited he was that he might actually get to sit next to him, but the helper made the mistake of asking Jonny the Honest where he sits. I even tried to intercede, knowing that there was no danger of them hurting each other or any other such nonsense, but she said that they had to follow the usual seating. Poor Conner burst into tears.
Being the happy-go-lucky sort that he is, he was pacified shortly thereafter by seeing that Jonny was sitting on the aisle seat at least, on spot closer than usual. He got a special treat when he looked past Jonny who usually blocked Conner's view to our side of the street, and saw me making my daily silly face to keep Jonny -- and Conner --laughing all the way to school.

Thinking outside the box.

2007-04-03T12:36:00.000-07:00

I've decided to simulcast some of the posts from my private blog. Forgive me if you find these mundane, but I thought some of you might like to take a peek into the life of a mother of seven. Some of these will be out of date order, I will randomly just pick a post and throw it up here for you all to see. Enjoy, and don't forget to comment!

Thinking outside the box.

What do you do when your 6 yo wants to sleep in her uniform?
After her bath at night, Noelle gets dressed in her uniform shirt, tie, socks, and "under the skirt shorts". All she has to do in the morning is slip her jumper on and shuffle downstairs for breakfast.
I've told her she's allowed, as long as she doesn't tell anybody at school. :-) (And here I am telling all of you ...) The way I figure it, she isn't wrinkled because the shirts are polyester, and who cares anyway? Some of those kids go to school looking like orphans, as have mine on occasion. And the real reason I let her? Because she's really come up with something very smart ... why shouldn't I support it?
She and I actually think alike. I purposefully buy knit shorts and t-shirts for my boys to sleep in during the summer, so that when they wander out at 7am to go play, no one knows they aren't dressed! It's pretty ridiculous how much time we moms spend doing and undoing things all day, every day -- just because that's the way it "should be done." I love it when someone discovers that something different works for them, and has the courage to do it.
I've only started making my bed in the last couple of years because during the early years, when I had a million things to do every minute, I took care of what was most important first. Somehow the bed never floated up from last on that list. I make it now because it feels like a luxury to actually have the time to do it, and also because it gives me a psychological headstart to my day. If you're a fan of Flylady, it's my "shiny sink" of the upstairs ... and everywhere, actually.
Besides that, it's my method of choice for driving my husband crazy and testing his love for me. He just hates all the pillows on our bed, and when he grumbles about them I smile and tell him to deal with it because I'm worth it. He always agrees. :-)

What do you think this quote means?

2007-02-21T14:07:00.003-08:00

We would rather be ruined than changed;

We would rather die in our dread than climb the cross of the moment

And let our illusions die.

~William H. Auden

Top Three!

2007-02-12T11:45:00.000-08:00

I just found out from Vicky at Vicky and Jen -- What Really Matters! that our podcast is still in the top 3 most downloaded shows. That is some pretty exciting news here at WJS. I love it that the word is getting out that parents have a new tool at their fingertips! Thanks to all who downloaded and listened to the show.

Interview

2007-01-08T06:17:00.000-08:00

Listen to Natalee's interview with Vicky and Jen: What Really Matters! from Vickyandjen.com. (Please leave a comment if you'd like to listen and cannot access the links.)

This interview answers many questions people have about coaching.

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

2006-12-18T10:09:00.000-08:00

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee. (Author unknown)

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him When the class began; he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---God, your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else---the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled and said, "I'm glad you asked."

The coffee just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

What Really Matters

2006-12-08T08:09:00.000-08:00

Please check out VickyandJen.com. Not only is this a fantastic website focusing on simplifying life, and what really matters, but you can also listen to Podcasts of some very interesting interviews and shows. I will be featured there sometime in January, so be sure to join their forum, and keep checking back for more great stuff!

Work in Progress

2006-11-17T10:17:00.000-08:00

Stephen Covey says in his book Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families,which I wholeheartedly recommend, that family members (especially children) should all walk around with shirts on that say "Work In Progress". He is trying to remind us that it is important to be patient with those around us, especially with children and with those in our families.

Think of how the world could change if we all took this to heart. Think of how your own actions or responses would change, knowing that others are going to give you the benefit of the doubt. Take a step back, and look at your children, your spouse.

How have they made progress over the years, even though they are not perfect?

How have you made progress personally that is deserving of recognition by you?

How can you make progress going forward?

What is one little change you could make in your daily habits or attitudes or dealings with others that could make a significant difference in how you treat others, how you react to certain triggers, and how you go about life in general? Make a resolution today -- and really mean it! Perhaps it is something small: "I will smile and say hello first when walking into a room." Just try something out and see what it does for you.

Love Notes

2006-11-07T11:54:00.000-08:00

Here is what is up on my dry erase board in the kitchen:

"Who is the wonderful person who straightened out the videos and made them look so nice?
Thank you!"

It's one of my children, I'm sure.

How do you think it will make that child feel?
How will this make them feel about doing things for me in the future?
What does this tell them about doing things without being asked?
How do you feel when someone expresses gratitude for something you've done, especially if you were thoughtful enough to do it without being asked?

Try it yourself. Write a note to a spouse, a friend, a child, and thank them or compliment them. This small thing can start a wonderful ripple effect of kindness and goodwill within your family.

New Phone Number

2006-11-06T10:24:00.000-08:00

There was a mix-up at the phone company, and my toll-free number has changed. It is now 866.488.2694. I still love to give out sample sessions, so call and schedule one today. Find out for yourself what a personal Parent Coach can do for you, both as a parent and as an individual.

The little mixup with the phone number means that I will be reprinting my collateral, but that's okay because I would love to try a different approach. I am here, ready and able, to help moms who are feeling completely overwhelmed, but I would also like to appeal to those moms who feel like things are OK but they are ready to take things to the next level. Having your own personal Parent Coach is quickly becoming the newest way modern moms can do it all and have it all. With a personal coach in their corner, they can stay organized, on top of things, and still have time to nourish and create fulfilling relationships with those around them.

IF a child....

2006-09-28T09:42:00.000-07:00

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.
--Author Unknown