Reflections

I heard Carol Barnier speak on Saturday, and enjoyed very much her perspective on motherhood and children. One of the most insightful things she pointed out was that as parents we have to protect our child's position as the child, even from ourselves at times. We cheat them of their childhood if we hand over the control to them, and make no mistake, they usually know when they have control long before the parent does.

When a child is allowed to control the household by their tantrums or set the mood in the family, we are robbing them of the security that cause children to grow and thrive. It is too much responsibility for a child to be allowed to set the mood, even if he is doing that by causing you, the parent, to become frustrated or angry. He will come to see himself as the cause of the anxiety and stress in the home, and his perception of his own beautiful soul will be soured. At all costs, she reminded us, we need to maintain our composure and live with joy around our children, so that they can be secure, knowing that they are not in charge. How can a child enjoy childhood when he is allowed (expected?) to make the decisions about even the smallest things, when he hasn't the capacity to do so? Let us not set them up for failure and insecurity by failing to simply control their behavior (until they are old enough to exercise control over themselves). Let us not doom them to low self-esteem by failing to control our own emotions, for our faces are the places they run to in order to see a reflection of their own souls. Show them how precious their souls are by letting them only see joy on your face!