Reflections

I heard Carol Barnier speak on Saturday, and enjoyed very much her perspective on motherhood and children. One of the most insightful things she pointed out was that as parents we have to protect our child's position as the child, even from ourselves at times. We cheat them of their childhood if we hand over the control to them, and make no mistake, they usually know when they have control long before the parent does.

When a child is allowed to control the household by their tantrums or set the mood in the family, we are robbing them of the security that cause children to grow and thrive. It is too much responsibility for a child to be allowed to set the mood, even if he is doing that by causing you, the parent, to become frustrated or angry. He will come to see himself as the cause of the anxiety and stress in the home, and his perception of his own beautiful soul will be soured. At all costs, she reminded us, we need to maintain our composure and live with joy around our children, so that they can be secure, knowing that they are not in charge. How can a child enjoy childhood when he is allowed (expected?) to make the decisions about even the smallest things, when he hasn't the capacity to do so? Let us not set them up for failure and insecurity by failing to simply control their behavior (until they are old enough to exercise control over themselves). Let us not doom them to low self-esteem by failing to control our own emotions, for our faces are the places they run to in order to see a reflection of their own souls. Show them how precious their souls are by letting them only see joy on your face!

The New Year

Ah, that time of year when we look at the new calendar and imagine the fresh start.

Or do we?

More and more I hear of people who don't even try, don't even form a resolution. Sometimes it's because they feel they fail all too quickly in the new year, and they consider resolution-making a farce. Sometimes it's because they (rightly) realize that January not a start at all, but just another month in a never-ending cycle. I, myself, am making resolutions to change all year long; daily, in fact. So what's the big deal about January?

Well, there is no big deal about January, except that it's a time set aside, designated to create goals, set expectations, and form intentions. If not January, then when? When will we make the time to identify our ambitions, visualize our best selves, and take that first step in reaching our great destinations on this, our life journey? So many, many people simply never get around to it at all. Others do, but just not often enough to keep their momentum going. Even for those of us who are checking in with ourselves (or our coaches) often, sometimes yearly isn't even often enough for some goals.

But it is a place to start, isn't it? Think of it this way ... if youchanged even one small thing in your life every year, can you see how different your life could be in 5 years? In ten? It's kind of like saving your pennies in a jar ... at some point they will cash in for a large amount that you didn't even realize you had. If we could just get a half hour more of sleep at night, watch 1/2 hour less of television every day, or do without Starbucks twice a week we could actively invest those new resources (our energy, time, and money) into great things. Maybe your goals are different, but principle is still the same. Contribute to someone else's life a bit every day or week, and see if you haven't done something you're proud of by the end of 2008.

Where to start? Start small, of course. As James Taylor says, "Cut up your crosses into doable doses." Set smaller goals for yourself to accomplish at set times (put it on your calendar right now!). Once you've got a habit established, then you can expand, improve, or simply step back and look at the new habit you've acquired, and give yourself a pat on the back. Just don't be complacent with an okay life, okay existence, and an okay contribution to the world around you. Dare to dream as big as you want, and then go about breaking it down into a plan of action.